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[July 06, 2007]

Get up and go: The film made you flee; we offer a ticket to deride

(Chicago Tribune (KRT) Via Thomson Dialog NewsEdge) Jul. 6--Talking out of a movie means something. It means a filmmaker has crossed a personal line in the sand, somewhere other than where the woman with the Icee two seats down would draw hers. We "ankle," as the show business publication Variety likes to put it, for different reasons. A walkout's significance depends largely on the pace of the exit (fleeing in revulsion versus schlumping out, bored beyond recognition) in relation to the crimes up on screen.


In this section and on chicagotribune.com/talkingpictures we've heard from a lot of people -- a lot of people -- who fled the film "Knocked Up" in a state of sullied anger, aghast that such foul language and ignoble behavior and explicit birthing footage entered their lives disguised as a contemporary relationship comedy. Meantime a lot of other people laughed enough to tell their friends and turn the film into a big hit.

Limited time makes us tougher critics, just as limited money does. When I wrote about theater for a living my moviegoing necessarily had to be more selective, and I remember drifting out on "Sling Blade" more or less subconsciously, because there was shopping to do. With "Forrest Gump" (maybe it's sumpthin' about good actors overdoin' certain dialects) my leaving early was more a matter of please release me from this hypocritical slush. With "Midnight Express," as with "Year of the Dragon," the hysteria and racial politics were enough to eject me at the halfway point. And then there were the films I only wish I'd bailed on.

We asked some other Tribune writers to reveal the films that sent them packing early, and why. We hope their tales of woe encourage you to share your own pain with the world. Tell us which films propelled you into a premature departure, cursing the critics as you ankled.

Send the pain to ctc-movies@tribune.com

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Abandoned seats

The films that sent our staffers packing

'Barry Lyndon'

The only movie I can remember walking out on, and I did it twice, is Stanley Kubrick's "classic" "Barry Lyndon." I had loved Kubrick's earlier films, especially "Dr. Strangelove" and "A Clockwork Orange," so I had high hopes for a period piece romp through English history a la "Tom Jones." What I got was a set of beautifully composed tableaux worthy of hanging on a museum wall, except that I couldn't walk through them at my own pace. The movie was a mystery to me but its mystery didn't make me want to solve it, so I walked. A few years later, I decided that so many people loved this film that I had to give it another shot, but I still couldn't make it. Maybe I needed to be tied to a chair and have my eyes propped open like the character in "Clockwork." -- Michael Miner, art director

'Cat People'

I can't remember the exact details (had to look up a synopsis of the movie), but I'm pretty sure it must have been when the werecat mauled the prostitute in the motel. -- Maria Mooshil, Tempo

'Chelsea Girls'

I have never walked out on a movie -- and stayed out. I did leave Andy Warhol's "Chelsea Girls," a six-hour film shown in three hours by split-screen projection, when a partially nude drag queen in bed was singing "They Say That Falling in Love is Wonderful," but I went back, only to eventually get a headache from the overlapping soundtracks. I wanted to leave a re-release of "Fantasia" that bore a written dedication to Leopold Stokowski, the original conductor, but spelled his name wrongly, replaced his 1940 musical contributions with digital sound re-recorded by a hack and dubbed his voice when Mickey Mouse shook hands with him. However, I didn't leave because I was writing about it. -- Alan Artner, art critic

'Empire Records'

Sometimes, good songs can sell a rotten film. Case in point: The Gin Blossoms' "'Til I Hear It From You" was featured in "Empire Records." I heard the song on the radio and figured, "Wow, gotta catch the flick." The story, about a bunch of demented record store employees, played out as if written in the Valley Girl dialect. No, strike that -- written in that dialect before some movie mogul declared, "This reads too much like 'King Lear.' Can we dumb it down?" How long I lasted: 15 minutes. -- Louis R. Carlozo, On the Town

'Evita'

Madonna and Antonio Banderas are both indecipherable; Banderas because of his accent and Madonna because, well, she's Madonna. And yes, I walked out on "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina." Honestly, I cry more for Argentina's reputation. ... -- Glenn Jeffers, At Play

'Monsignor'

The 1982 film starring Christopher Reeve as an unscrupulous Vatican priest. Reeve's acting was stiffer than his collar, and the plot was an unholy mess. The Ten Commandments were falling like dominoes when I finally bailed. -- Charles Storch, Tempo

'Poetic Justice'

The worst movie I never saw, "Poetic Justice," was anything but poetry or justice. Director John Singleton's sophomore effort was just give-me-my-money-back-boring. The only justice to be had was in getting up and walking out about 20 minutes into this caricature of everyday life in South Central Los Angeles. -- Geoff Black, photo editor

'Reservoir Dogs'

It was too violent and crazy. -- Regina Robinson, On the Town

'Under the Cherry Moon'

I have gone through a lot with Prince -- even that silly symbol -- but I couldn't handle "Under the Cherry Moon." Don't get me wrong, I totally dug the music. I ran out and bought the soundtrack, which showcased Prince at his musical best. But roughly 20 minutes into the movie, I felt as though Prince was mooning his fans, mugging to the camera as if to say, "Wow, these people will buy anything." -- Terry Armour, entertainment reporter

'X, Y and Zee'

"X, Y and Zee" starred Elizabeth Taylor and other fine actors. It was horrible. When the scene in which Taylor kills herself in a bathtub appeared, my wife and I got up to go, said "excuse us" to the people next to us who said, "We're going too" and, ultimately, the whole row left together. -- Charles Leroux, senior correspondent

At least it was just a DVD

'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy'

This was a genuine disappointment. All the elements seemed to be there. Will Ferrell -- loved him in "Elf." The WGN morning team -- love them too -- wouldn't shut up about it. I eagerly slid "Anchorman" into the DVD player. Twenty minutes later, I bitterly pressed eject. I had seen it before, only funnier, in "Soapdish." -- Nancy Watkins, Q

Would've, if I could've

'The Exorcist'

I didn't actually walk out because I was frozen with fear and afraid that if I turned around Satan would be waiting in the aisle to steal my soul. -- Regina Robinson, On the Town

'Looking for Mr. Goodbar'

I'm too cheap to walk out on a movie, but I WISH I had walked out on this one. I have fallen asleep at more than I can count, including the original "Star Wars." -- Ross Werland, Q

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